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Saturday, June 2, 2007

Doggynomics Explained by Tilly

Marxism, market, Capitalism, Democratic Socialism. Everybody has a theory of how we interact with one another in society. Us Dogs have a theory too, based on observations of the human apes. We call it Doggynomics

The upright monkeys are bred to bring the Overlord Puppies food, rides and entertainment. Us Puppy Masters rule all. For example this morning I rode to the drive-up window at the bank, The monkey Bert thought to make a little deposit and get some change. In reality, this big building is put there for the sole purpose of delivering dog cookies through a little metal drawer. The nice Lady Ape behind the glass knows exactly what to do and drops a milk-bone in the device for delivery. Pieces of inedible paper are exchanged, for record keeping I am sure. Since dog cookies are the medium of trade in our puppy/monkey society strict accounting must be done for each bag and fragment of kibble.

Monkeys have been trained to feed, provide water and entertainment for the Doggie masters. Sometimes I will stoop to do some tricks for extra tasty bits. Monkey Bert has a little shop, and I have customers trained to bring goodies. One customer, and this is no exaggeration, brings me deli turkey and cheese. When was the last time anyone ever brought The Monkey lunch, I ask you?

If a puppy gets lost, there are trained apes who will take them, in a special canine limo, to a resort called the Humane Society, with lots of other doggies. The monkeys in charge call your underlings, and you get another ride! A ride will make your day. Human apes provide wonderful metal boxes for the sole purpose of providing rides.

The third most important item provided by the upright apes (behind cookies and rides) is the Squeaky Toy. The servant apes make squeaky toys, perhaps in the same factories as the big tin ride boxes. It is an unimportant detail. So long as squeaky toys are provided.

I have told Monkey Bert enough for today. As issues arise I will have him issue commentary via this inedible, non squeaking, non ride giving plastic box.

Until then, Tilly

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