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Friday, July 13, 2007

No one ever expects The Spanish Inquisition!

I was raised in the Church of Monty Python, so the contents of this post may well offend some followers of the Bachelors With the Biggest Hats in Rome. Catholics have a great advantage over me. I never have been able to enjoy movies like "The Exorcist" or "The Omen". They just aren't scary or, without gratuitous nudity, even vaguely interesting. I feel cheated.

Now the Big Hat Guys are scaring the poop out of me. The Bachelor with the Biggest Hat is elevating seventy Spanish Fascist priests to sainthood or some sort of post-mortem promotion (I freely admit I am a bit fuzzy on the theology). I was under the impression that mucking about with the fate of dead people is the exclusive bailiwick of the Mormons (no hats, few bachelors, Salt Lake City, underwear fetish).

Not scary in itself, this act of beatification by the former (aren't they all) member of The Hitler Youth, combined with the regression to Latin rites and declaration that all churches, save his, are mistakes gives me pause. Mistakes require correcting. The last time we were correcting theological mistakes it was the infamous Inquisition that administered the remedial burnings at the stake. My Jewish friends (very small hats, neurotic) are especially susceptible to this sort of correction.

All I can ask is that, if you must have a new hundred years war, please leave me out.

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