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Friday, October 19, 2007

New Jobs ForThe 21st Century

Every decade brings new job opportunities that were not thinkable just a few years ago. In 1990 there was no such thing as a Web Designer, now there are hundreds of thousands making a living design HTML for websites all over the world. Before 2000 there were few bloggers, and those were hobbyists. Now it is verging on big business. People are paying real money to get the opinions of folk who are generally blowing gas. (Donations Welcome, click and buy from my advertisers)

The bleeding edge of new careers offers the young and nimble unprecedented opportunities. I list some of the up and coming jobs for those who can stomach them.

# 1. INTERIM MINISTER With all the preachers getting caught in compromising situations, their mega-churches need temps to harangue the faithful. There are always little wolves circling the alpha male, waiting for him to fall, so as an interim preacher you can make sure that the flock can continued to be sheared while the mega-church's next overlord rises to the top of the heap. Since you aren't looking for a permanent gig, you aren't a threat to the factions fighting for primacy.

# 2. PLACE HOLDER REPUBLICAN SENATOR or CONGRESSMAN Once again we have a gaggle of family values politicos behaving badly. When a Governor appoints a crony to fill out an unfinished term, that guy or gal has a leg up for the primary and general elections. There are usually several folk with their own followers who want to grab an easy seat. (This got a lot of the disgraced Republicans in trouble in the first place). As a non-threatening GOPer with the necessary wingnut credentials you could get three or four years of a senate term under your belt, along with the retirement and gravy that the office brings.

# 3. STAND-IN CEO. If a corporation has blotted its copy book, the blame goes to the CEO, and he has to go. Step in, get the keys to the corporate jet and credit card, and have a blast while the board battles it out.

# 4. FOX NEWS GAS BAG. As these guys get stale, and folk get tired of hearing how evil Hillary is they need replacing. A solid two year gig with very low expectations should excite the connoisseur of slacking off. I mean, O'Riley does it, how hard can it be?

# 5. SUSPICIOUS LOOKING ARAB. This one may require some hair dye and rhinoplasty. The Homeland Security Industry is in constant need of good suspect Arabs, and lots of them. The guy running the convenience store down the street just won't do. Like beards and skullcaps? Enjoy roasted goat? There's a career here for the man able to take a little waterboarding. Must be willing to travel to exotic locations while handcuffed and blindfolded for enthusiastic questioning by well trained third world security officers.

# 6. FALLGUY. This is a position for the industrial grade whipping boy. A city's budget is blown on dubious projects? They call for you, the professional fall guy, appoint you to the financial management position, and wait for it to hit the fan. Why we had no idea! Advice: get your money up front.

# 7. STEVE JOBS IMPERSONATOR. What a gig! Two black turtlenecks a pair of jeans and an insufferable attitude and you're in business. It's up to you how to actually make money doing this, other than working for Apple and scaring the crap out of engineers and designers by just wandering through the office yelling at anyone who won't make eye contact.

# 8. PROFESSIONAL REDACTOR. All you do is sit in a White House office with a black felt marker, marking over the lines of text in documents subpoenaed by congress. You will mostly be working for Dick Cheney, so watch your ass.

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