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Friday, April 11, 2008

The New Five Dollar Bill



I thought I'd start the rumor that the "Gays" gave taken over the Treasury Department, and have sent out the signal with the big pink "5" on the back side. I'm asking for all good readers to send these Federal Reserve Notes of Satan to 4821 Point Fosdick Dr. NW. Gig Harbor, WA 98335, and save the children from rampant gayification. What does G'ma slip into with your birthday card? A fresh crisp fiver of course.

I've just handled one of these re-designed notes and already find myself humming show tunes, and vacuuming the carpet for the second time this quarter. I find that the brand name "Bud" is being pushed out of my vocabulary by the "Faragamo" trademark. I know several breeds of Poodle, but can't identify a pit bull.. It's obviously too late for me, but you can save others by sending me your new "Fruity Fives". Personally I like the new bills, but I am a godless liberal and have no social conscience.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Spring, Tra La!

We had a late snowstorm last week that made the Daffodils and Paper-whites in the pitiful remains of the flower garden look nice for a change. There is nothing like a cover of snow to make the leaf litter and assorted junk accumulated out there disappear. I had a semi rural (by choice) life in the late '80s and '90s and was always amazed by the annual Spring delivery of chicks at the post office. Yes, chickens by mail. Live chicks. My urban readers amy be surprised to learn that most people don't raise chickens as a multi generational manor. Roosters of breeding age are tough and noisy, and hens lay the most eggs when they are quite young. A three month old hen will produce three to five eggs a week if fed right, and be ready for the freezer by late fall. It seemed like my friends who had acreage and raised chickens would all show up at the post office on the same day to claim their little peeping yellow fuzzballs. There was a notice in the paper that announced the delivery of the chicks, and all the hill hippies would mix with the older townsfolk to pick up their future chicken dinners.  I don't think the Post Office is in the poultry delivery business anymore but I was wrong. There are several online bird delivery companies that still use the the mail. 

Most people don't have a brooder in their barn, but they look sort of like little flying saucers made out of galvanized wash tubs. Brooders use incandescent light bulbs to warm the little birds, so may be on the way out with the adoption of energy saving compact florescent bulbs. Small birds are very delicate especially when it comes to temperature, and Spring is notoriously unreliable in the weather department. Some folk, especially the hippies, would bring their brooders into their kitchen for a few weeks. Baby poultry has a not unpleasant smell that is easily identified. As a volunteer fireman I had occasion to visit people's home in the wee hours, and would look to move the chicks to a neighbor's house if I smelled that "eau de peeper". Chicks can't take much smoke.

It's funny the things that goad memories up out of the depths, and Spring elicits some of the most pleasant.